i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
