Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
