You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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