is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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