I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize