Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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