If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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