I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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