there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i believe in u and ur pee
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