My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
