I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
