I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize