At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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