She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
