I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
