you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
