is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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