she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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