I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
