Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think I won the penis lottery.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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