I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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