Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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