Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
