it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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