I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
