One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
