Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
