You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
