Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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