I molested 6 butterflies tonight
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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