he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
