Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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