Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
