You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
