Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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