i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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