she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize