Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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