i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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