My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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