i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
