I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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