Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
