He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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