Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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