Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
