Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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