At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
