The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
