I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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