He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
