just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
