I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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