Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
