Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
