I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize