he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
