He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize