What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
