so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
