I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
