Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize