Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize