During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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