If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
