I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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