its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
