I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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