Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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