he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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